Computer

Computers suck, and I love them. They always need fixing, and not just your own. It's kept me a steady job for a long time, although that thing about getting girls to give you favors for fixing their computers isn't true. They just don't like computers that much.

Repairing computers
The trick to repairing a computer is to run a bunch of free tools off the net that people have written for no reason other than the sheer technical challenge of it. That way, it costs you nothing. At the same time, you can talk about all the advanced software you're giving them pro bono, and the $30/hour charge sounds like nothing at all. Sure it's not the most stable job, but hey, most people are repeat customers. They actually still think that having the dog run around on their desktop screen and bark is a good idea, and who am I to tell them otherwise? That dog is adorable and they are entitled to it. Unfortunately for them the repair process deletes the dog, but it never takes them long to get it again and that's what makes a good customer.

Sometimes people accuse me of ripping them off. That's unfair. I'm a stand up guy providing an honest service for very little money. My job is repair, not education. If you crash your car, the repair guys don't tell you how to drive and obey traffic laws. So it's not my business to tell them how to use their computers. They can do whatever they want, and they come to me because I make their computers work better than before.

Just don't show up obviously drunk.

Building computers
Building computers is kind of fun, because you get to spend hours choosing parts and researching and reading reviews and benchmarks and everything else on the wide net. Sure you're probably just going to buy the cheapest one with a decent customer review rating at the end, but that won't stop you. Guys make fun of chicks for being shopping-obsessive, but it's a load of bull. We love shopping every bit as much.

Don't believe me? Go stand in the tools section at Sears during a sale and watch the people. Go on, do it.

Making money from computers
No, those pyramid schemes don't work. Well okay, there was a free iPod pyramid scheme that actually paid out for me, because I managed to end up in front of a conga line of idiots who figured they could get a free iPod. That makes me an idiot too, but at least I'm an idiot with a free iPod.

No, it turns out that when you know computers and know how to talk slick about computers, people will give you money. Companies won't give you money because they know enough about computers to pay someone with real skills. But people, people will believe a college degree and a sleek sales pitch. It's also convenient because companies tell the government exactly how much money they gave you, and the government always gets theirs. People don't report to the government, and so taxes are a thing of the past. Sure I still have to file, but I haven't owed internal revenue anything in quite a lot of years.