Roommate

There are two kinds of roommates, really. One kind can become the other; it doesn't happen in reverse unless there's sex involved, I'm quite certain.

Roommates you want to live with
I mostly just hear stories about these, it's not something I've ever experienced. Still, my friends swear that they really do exist. I believe them, mind you. After all, that's what a happy marriage is, and there seem to be enough of those. It's just that, every time I thought I had found this kind of roommate, I was wrong. Each time, I thought I knew the guy well. We'd been out to lunch, seen movies, gotten wasted together, and seen each other's places.

But then you move in and everything changes. That must be what getting engaged is like. You discover there's a whole different person hiding at home, a person you never wanted to know about.

Roommates you have to live with
Everybody knows about these. They don't always start out this way, of course. Sometimes you thought you wanted to live with them, so you signed the lease. Maybe you even signed a two year lease because of the special deal on rent. After all, he was pretty cool when you went out for drinks. What a stupid plan.

Parents love to talk about making it work anyway. But if both of you were amenable to hacking through the details and making it work, there wouldn't really be a problem in the first place, now would there? Roommates know you. They know what's important to you and so they get on your computer while you're on a repair call and send messages to people. Those people think it's you and so the next week is spent doing damage control. In revenge you remove all of the electronics from the insides of his guitar, and it becomes a cycle of attrition for no reason.

Oh, and if you're going to steal expensive liquor from your roommate, at least have the decency to taste it and your girlfriend elsewhere.